For many years, Ernst Kane Williams had been featured as the ‘The Most Horrible Writer’ in his local bookstore. His nomination was done by a committee of 10 avid readers and writers who were also the patrons of the bookstore. His name and picture would appear on one of the plaques on the wall. He had never complained, as he knew that his writing skills were way below par. He had been writing since he was 17 and had written hundreds of books in the past 40 years. All his books competed with each other on being the most horrible book ever! But this had never stopped him from writing and publishing as he loved doing it.
Yesterday, at the bookstore, the owner had told him that tomorrow they would be announcing the ‘most horrible book of the century’ and he had a good chance of winning that title as well.
‘You mean, I am not the only one?’, he had asked
‘No Kane, there are more horrible writers than you’, the owner replied.
‘Interesting…’, he said.
‘You will know by tomorrow, 11:00 AM’
Now Kane started wondering if there could be a more horrible writer than him. He could hardly wait. The next day, as soon as it was 11:00 AM, he rushed to the bookstore. He was almost certain that he would win the title. But it was not to be! The award for the most horrible book of the century was given to ‘Salty But Nice’ By EeeTee Smith. Surprised, Kane rushed to the counter and asked to buy the book.
‘But why?’, asked the teenage girl behind the counter genuinely surprised that anyone would buy this book.
‘Because, my dear child, I want to know whose writing can be worse than mine.’
The girl just shrugged her shoulders, as her generation usually does, and sold the book to him.
Kane rushed to his home and immediately entered his library. After putting the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign he closed the door.
He sat on his chair by the fireplace and started reading the book. He couldn’t believe his eyes! It was indeed the most horrible book that he had ever read and he was enjoying every bit of it! Nothing was right in this book. The sentence structure, the punctuation, and sometimes even the spelling. The plot didn’t make any sense. And the writer had almost forgotten that there are things called ‘character arcs’.
By the end of the book, Kane was laughing and clapping. Such a horrible book, he told himself. No story arc, no surprises, no plot twists. He simply loved the fact that someone could be a more horrible writer than him. Suddenly, he had an urge to find out about the writer EeeTee Smith. He flipped through the pages to see if the writer had introduced himself somewhere. He finally found one small note on the last page of the book.
About EeeTee Smith (Me)
I am 17 years old. I love to write. This is the first of many books that I promise to bring to this world.
p.s. EeeTee Smith is my pen name, my real name is Ernst Kane Williams. And I can be reached at …